last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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