READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
