he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
