oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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