btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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