i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
