my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
