If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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