brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
