I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
