Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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