Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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