I think I died a long time ago.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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