Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
