I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
