i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
