Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
