We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
