if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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