So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
