Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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