so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
