Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
