listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
