My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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