Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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