I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
