soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
