What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
