Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
