Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
