I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
