look no pants
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
