bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
