Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
