elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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