even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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