i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
