so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
