I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
