you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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