my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
