Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
