i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
