He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
