just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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