so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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