i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
