He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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