I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
