My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
